Personal Statement Examples Essay 8

In this latest installment of thepersonal statement workshop, we continue to pull essays submitted from the comments section through our free essay submission processand provide you, and our users, with a more detailed analysis of their essays. This submission is by Katie, whose life experiences combined with a traumatic injury at the age of 13, are what inspired her to want to become a physician assistant. We will present you with her original essay and our suggestions. As always, use this as a guide to see where you can improve your own writing, and respect the work of others.It should go without saying this is not your essay, so dont plagiarize. Personal Statement Workshop:To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement. By: Katie To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement. I frequented doctors offices and emergency rooms for a variety of injuries and ailments. I remember staying home sick from elementary school, curling up on the sofa to watch marathons of Medical Mysteries and Trauma: Life in the ER. My squeamish parents were somewhat disgusted by my gruesome choice of entertainment and were puzzled by my infatuation with medicine. Even so, my interest and enthusiasm for medical care persisted. In 2006, after I was involved in a serious golf cart accident, I knew for certain that I would pursue a career in healthcare. I suffered extensive injuries after being ejected from the vehicle, run over, and dragged along the pavement. I remember the rushed atmosphere and commotion of the emergency room as I lay there feeling shocked by the gravity of the situation. Then, Michelle walked in, a smiling brunette clad in a crisp white coat. I assumed she was a physician as she explained the imaging procedures and tests I would soon undergo. She addressed me not as a nave thirteen-year-old but simply as a concerned patient. She answered all my questions and stayed engaged in our conversation even as she performed an intra-articular injection to determine if my knee joint had been compromised. I was in awe at the combination of her technical proficiency and calm disposition. Not until years later, after attending a physician assistant symposium in college, did I realize Michelle was a phy sician assistant. After my accident, my passion for medicine persisted. In high school, I enrolled in Honors Anatomy and Physiology and was fascinated by the field trips to watch an open-heart surgery and visit a cadaver lab. My teachers noted my enthusiasm for the subject and nominated me to attend a medical leadership conference at Georgetown University. When selecting a college major, I chose Nutritional Sciences because of the strong focus on biological science; it also provided a unique perspective on clinical work and emphasized the critical thinking skills necessary in practice. I worked assiduously because I knew exemplary academics were necessary when applying to graduate programs. However, despite struggling with a personal crisis during my sophomore year, I was determined not to let one semester mar the academic record I had worked so hard to achieve. I made significant changes in my life and learned how to maximize my academic potential while managing stress in a healthy way. This experien ce was a critical point of self-exploration, and I am confident it was an important step in preparing me for the rigors of PA school. Once I was comfortable managing the challenges of a science-heavy course load, I began to focus on gaining more experience working in healthcare. Although my interest to learn the intricacies of medicine was undeniable, I was still unsure about which career would be the best fit for me. I spoke with doctors, nurses, and PAs to determine the differences between these types of practitioners. While trying to make a decision, I repeatedly thought of Michelle, my earliest inspiration. I saw clearly that compared to other healthcare professionals, PAs have a unique opportunity to build a rapport with their patients by getting to know them on a personal level, which is what I value most. However, it was not until I became a certified nursing assistant at an assisted living facility that I truly understood how much I valued being a part of someones healing process. Initially, I saw the job as an opportunity to work collaboratively with other healthcare professionals, but I realized quickly the magnitude of this experience was much greater than I anticipated. It is remarkable to watch the aging process unfold and see the devastating progression of diseases. It is my responsibility to not only provide care to the residents, but also to be vigilant about changes in their condition, to be compassionate about the struggles they endure in light of their impending mortality, and to listen to them when nobody else will. These moments make me realize what an honor it is to be a healthcare provider. Although my academic journey has always been aimed towards a career in medicine, my unique life experiences are what inspired me to become a physician assistant. The PA profession encompasses my passion for scientific knowledge and my desire to build relationships with patients. Pursuing such a fulfilling and exciting career leaves me with a profound sense of purpose and the definitive notion I will be a successful physician assistant. Suggestions and Revisions By: Sue Edmondson Note: These are very brief suggestions and revisions offered through our free submissions process in the comments section. For a full-featured edit of your personal statement, please seeour paid service offerings. Hi Katie, I like the image of you as a kid watching medical shows on TV, but for purposes of this essay, youre taking up valuable space that could be used to talk about your healthcare experiences in more detail. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country, every person said they werent interested in hearing childhood experiences. Id delete the entire first paragraph of your essay. Your second paragraph is good (skip the brunette in your description of Michelle its a wasted word). The third paragraph needs editing it reads well, but it has extra verbiage that has little significance. Remember, the people reading your essay are literally reading more than a thousand so save words where you can. And the word passion is so overused, its meaningless. I rarely recommend using it. This is what Id do in an edit: My interest in medicine persisted. When selecting a college major, I chose Nutritional Sciences because of the strong focus on biological science; it also provided a unique perspective on clinical work and emphasized the critical thinking skills necessary in practice. Despite struggling with a personal crisis during my sophomore year, I was determined not to let one semester mar the academic record I had worked so hard to achieve. I made significant changes and learned how to manage stress in a healthy way. This experience was a critical point of self-exploration, and I am confident it was an important step in preparing me for the rigors of PA school. Use the extra space to elaborate a bit more on why youre choosing to be a PA as opposed to any other health care professional. Best of luck. Sue Edmondson - editor - the physician assistant personal statement collaborative. Is your mom or dad really giving you honest feedback on your personal statement? Parents are full of great advice, but when it comes to your personal statement family and friendsdon't always make the best editorial team. We offer a bit of free guidance to anyone who takes the time to submit their essay in the comments sectionof the blog.But your essay needs more than the sympathetic feedback provided by a friendly relative. Our Essay Review Service Includes: Personal guidance from our team of professional (unbiased) writers, with inside knowledge of the PA school personal statement. (We have personally interviewed 12 of the top PA school admissions directors from across the country.) Telephone consultations are included with all purchases above the single edit level.It's often hard to communicateexactly what you want hundreds of miles away;for this reason, we offer the option toedit right alongside us over the telephone while sharing in real-time over Google Docs. We provide feedback, advice and help with brainstorming and topic creation. We will help witha"final touch up" before the big day just in case your essay needs a bit of polish. Interested?Click here to learn more. Here is what one of our recent clients had to say: Awesome service. Duke did a great job editing my personal statement - his feedback was top notch. For the 2014-2015 cycle, I applied to one school. I was selected for an interview and yesterday I received an offer of admission ... which I quickly accepted. I know my Personal Statement played a huge role in my success. I highly recommend this service.Nikki R. PA-S We are currently accepting essays in all iterations. We have flexible pricing and can do everything from a single one-time edit to a full-service review that will take you from beginning to a finished product. Hurry, as we can only accept a few essays each month. Click here to post your essay or learn more about our service. Have you enjoyed what you read? I hope you have been enjoying this personal statement workshop. Before you go, make sure to sign up forautomatic updatesfrom the blog orsubscribe with Feedly(my favorite RSS reader). And if you haven't already, sign up for the FREE email newsletter (down below) or connect with me on Facebook or Twitter. Ill definitely respond, and I look forward to meeting you! Cheers, Stephen View all posts in this seriesHow to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application EssayThe Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement CollaborativeDo You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, A PA Changed My LifePA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient CarePA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, She Smiled, Said Gracias! and Gave me a Big HugPA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With PatientsPA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With YouPA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my LifePA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: To say I was an accident-prone ch ild is an understatement9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!How to Write Physician Assistant The PA Grammar Guide101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!5 Things Ive Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal StatementThe #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal StatementThe Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter KitThe Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement101 PA School Applicants Answer: Whats Your Greatest Strength? 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